when i say tomato you say...

when he says i love you it means

you're really nice and pretty and i had a nice time with you today

when i say i love you it means

you are my everything and i want to spend the rest of my life with you

3am

there's a knife in my belly
in that soft spot under the ribs
where in CPR class they say if you push too hard
you'll break the end of the breast bone

settle into it
get used it pushing in one direction
the hand turns the knife
rocks it this way and that for a while
changes direction
tests my nerve

it stops
settle in again
it returns

swallow a handful of little brown pills
and wait

it stays for hours
then leaves

there's an emptiness left behind
euphoric
blank white space
and sleep comes.

pots and pans

my voice doesn't fit
in this house.

the hand mixer and microwave timer,
the clanging pots and pans,
the banging on the washer and laughing father
they fit just fine.

my monotone voice
must seem
so
loud.